There is a lot to write about right now, but I'm going to start with what is ever-present on my mind lately. That is my husband's upcoming deployment to Afghanistan. Back when we got married, we decided that we didn't want to raise a family in the military, so we both separated from the Navy. A couple years after becoming full-fledged civilians, we realized that we hadn't appreciated the benefits we had in the military, and we decided that my husband should rejoin as a reservist. And he did. We were told by the recruiter (we should have known better) that the job Jared does for the Navy isn't often deployed. Wrong! His particular skills are a hot commodity in combat zones, so soon after he finished his military education, he was told that orders for deployment would follow soon. And they did.
Soon after moving to a new city, we were told that he'd be deployed for a year to Afghanistan. And here we are, 19 days from his departure, and I'm feeling a bit...well...down. It's not like me to feel sad for any length of time. My modo has always been, "Get over it!", and I usually do. This is different. This is something I have never dealt with. I have to believe that there is a greater purpose and plan for this deployment. I know my heavenly Father will take care of me and our little ones. I know this, but I'm still sad. So, I've been distracting myself, with games on my phone, television, facebook, running errands, and just staying busy.
Although, when I am still and quiet, sadness overwhelms me. I did not expect this. I'm sure this is a stage of the "grief" process that goes along with pre-deployment. I've read about it. But me? I didn't think I would feel this way. Not that the deployment isn't enough to get me feeling overwhelmed, but I am also starting student teaching in two months, and my sister's wedding is in a month. And I can't help but look ahead and realize what it'll be like to be a single parent of two young children. It's a weight that is bearing down on me.
But a voice within me tells me, "my burden is light", and I know Jesus is with me, ready to take the load, and bring me peace. He has been with me all of my life, and he will not abandon me now. I also look around to see so many wonderful friends that are ready to surround me with support and companionship. And I feel the love of my children, who have complete confidence in my ability to parent solo. I hope that these encouraging extrinsic sources can have an affect on my intrinsic sorrow. Soon.
