Blessings

As I look over my family room, watching my husband and son exercising together, and feeling the baby girl in my womb, I feel so blessed. It was only 5 years ago that I was living in Pensacola, FL experiencing the aftermath of a miscarriage and wondering if I'd ever be able to have children. I'm reminded that there are many women who feel this same way. I want to let you know that there is hope. Try the Creighton Model. Google it.

Because I thought I may not be able to have children, I created a wall within me. I began planning my career and throwing myself in college and work, believing this is where I would receive satisfaction and fulfillment. I spent so much time creating this environment within myself that it has taken me a lot of time to undo it, and accept and feel content in my current role as mother and homemaker.

This has been quite the transition for me. Even though my son is 3 years old, I am just now accepting this role completely. During my son's life, I have tried to start a career back up. I tried to work part time, and I tried to work from home. I did this because I was so convinced that I had to contribute an income in order to be valued in my family. I wholeheartedly do not believe this now. I am raising my children, meeting the needs of my husband and keeping a home that allows those who live in it to feel safe, comfortable and at ease.

The blessings before me are abounding and ever-giving. I am grateful for them, and know that this is exactly where God wants me to be.

Being changed

I am being changed from the inside by God. Yes, indeed, you heard right. I am moving away from the independent, irritable and critical person I have been for a really long time to really giving myself up to change. The change is happening in my marriage mostly. I am learning to depend on my husband, allow him to lead me, and to serve him...yup...serve him. The service comes from some serious love. I also seriously love my son, and for the most part I serve him too, just not in the same way. Basically I am learning to put my family before myself. And I have to say, I am actually feeling fulfilled, satisfied and content. Is this the place of women? Is it just good for me because I have a good husband and well behaved son?

Book Review

http://nogreaterjoy.org/blogs/createdtobehishelpmeet/

Very challenging read. More to follow.

Transitions of the mind

So, I am finally happy with what my blog is about. Leave it to me to change my mind a thousand times! I've changed my blog to happyrubberband, which was my email name for a long time. I like the title because when I told my grandpa my email address ten or so years ago he asked me how I picked that name. I told him I didn't know. He told me it's because I always bounce back and try to be happy. You're right grandpa. I've been through a lot of negative situations in my life, and have made it back and happier than ever! For example, for years I thought I couldn't have kids, especially after having two miscarriages and 2 corrective uterine surgeries. And now, here I am mothering a 3 year old boy and 25 weeks pregnant with my daughter. All I can say is God is great because I can hardly contribute my blessings to my own doing. And here I am. Blogging, finally with a name I can live with. I hope I can stick with it this time!

Giving myself up to the page.

This is the year of writing. For the most part I'll be writing research papers for my Master's degree. I'll be studying to be a Special Education teacher. I love working for these kids, and helping them become more than anyone could imagine. I also want to write more in general. I used to write so much when I was younger. Now that I have a son and husband, and this busy life I've lost this art that once blessed me so much. Sometimes I think I have nothing to write, then I put my fingers on the keys or to a pen and I just start. Now I have to wake up my husband because were going to pick our son up at preschool. But I WILL be back!