Good-bye to nap time? Noooooo!

Lately my son, who is four years old, has not been wanting to nap. He's always NOT wanted to nap, but now he's not whining about it. He very matter-of-factly tells me he's not tired. Does this mean it's over? Oh dear. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. I feel a little selfish for wanting this time in the afternoon to myself. I already have an hour and a half in the morning when Sarah is sleeping and Topher is at school, but I want the afternoon too *stomping feet*. I wonder sometimes if other mommy's are just counting the days until their kids don't nap because they can't get enough of them!

Sometimes I am at a loss as to what to do with my kids. My default is to find a park or a library. Lately I've been getting costumes from the Goodwill and letting my son play dress up. He loves just walking around dressed as a super hero. But then he wants me to play super hero with him. I used to have an imagination...what the heck happened to that? Am I too tired for an imagination? I remember sitting in my room for hours making up stories for my stuffed animals.

So what do I do with this kid if he's done taking naps? Should I give in to an hour of tv shows or game playing on my iphone? Or should I find something constructive for him to do? Why is this so stinkin' hard!?

Tennessean

It always amazes me how quickly a human being can assimilate to a new culture, and create new friendships. I've lived in California, Texas, Washington, Florida, Colorado and now Tennessee, and though I'm "from" California, wherever my family is, there is my home. As a child it was my parents and siblings, now it is my husband and children. We, as a family, make a place our home. It's a choice. It's also inevitable. I wouldn't want to go through life feeling like an outsider because I refuse to accept that where I live is my home.
This morning my son said to me, "This place has trees, and butterflies, and friends, and cool air, and a good house...I like Tennessee." No joke...my four year old son said this. And I could not agree more. I am not a Californian who happens to live in Tennessee. I'm a Tennessean. This is my home.
I've learned in life to never expect anything to remain the same. Change is expected, and with God, anything could happen. The future is full of impossibilities. But for now, I am content, and joyful and happy just where I am.

So many things to feel guilty about...

Feeding my 9 month old daughter french fries.
Letting my son watch too much t.v.
Not doing the dishes tonight.
5 minute prayer time.
Spending money on credit cards.
Eating ice cream almost every day.

Why? Why do I do this to myself? I'm a good mom and a good wife. I'm a loyal friend, and generally I'm nice to people. And I have great faith in my God. So, why do I feel guilty about these things? They seem small, but throughout the day there always seems to be something to feel guilty about. It's ridiculous! Maybe my expectations are too high, or I have a deep seeded need for perfection. Maybe the guilt is there for good reason, and pushes me to continue to do better. Whatever it is, it needs to be resolved. I need to find peace with it.

An Update on The Big Move

We've lived in Tullahoma, TN now for almost 3 weeks. The house in unpacked. Topher has begun pre-K, and Jared has begun work. We are settling in. To my surprise this little town is already starting to grow on me. I enjoy the slowness of it, and the kindness of strangers. The weather is not as bad as I expected (although, 3 weeks is hardly enough time to truly comment on the weather!). The days are becoming more mild, and the evenings are actually cool. I'm excited to see the change of seasons. Fall promises to be beautiful. Also, we are already meeting some great people. Jared has even joined a bowling league!

Some cool things we've discovered:

The Hands-On Science Center http://hosc.org/
Imagination Station http://www.tullahomatn.gov/imagination-station
Grow in Grace Preschool http://www.graceintullahoma.com/#/preschool
Coffee County Library http://lannom.org/

Some cool things we want to check out:

Granddaddy's Farm http://www.grandaddysfarm.com/
Short Springs http://www.tn.gov/environment/na/natareas/shortspr/

We are visiting Grace Chapel this Sunday (thanks Uncle Phil!) http://www.gracechapeltullahoma.com/
This will be the third church we've visited here in Tullahoma.

On the job front; Jared loves his new job. The guys he works with are great. Two of them helped us unload the Uhaul when we got here. Their families have been so welcoming to us!

I guess the only complaint I have so far is dealing with the bugs...oh so many bugs! We saw a horse fly yesterday that I mistook for a moth. And mowing the grass could upset wasp nests. Never mind the spiders and mosquitoes! Oh well...most of them should go away in the winter.

I still miss Colorado, and my friends there, and my brother and sister. Perhaps we'll make it back there someday. Life is never predictable (and I kind of like it that way :) )

Struggles of Motherhood

Sometimes I feel like I am in the wrong career field as a stay at home mom. I'm not crafty. I don't like to cook. I don't fret over what my kids eat or how they play. And I certainly don't limit screen time (I mean, really, how did moms do it before tv!). Having said all of this, I know that my kids deserve a mom who is home with them during these early years. I know this is what is best for my family. I have strong convictions that this is what I should be doing. 

When I was a little girl, I was never the one who said I wanted to be a mom and a wife. I always wanted to be a teacher, travel the world, a writer, and the list went on and on. But never, ever, a mom.  So when I graduated high school, my goal was not to get married and have kids. I joined the navy, travelled the world and started my college education. I loved my job(s) in the navy. I did really well, and was promoted quickly. And every job after this I have enjoyed. I like working. I like the feeling of accomplishment by the end of the day. I like verbal recognition and working towards the next promotion. 

When I had my first child, my dear son, my perspective on life changed, but the person I am didn't. I knew that I wanted to stay home with him, but I struggled to transition from full time worker to stay at home mom. What a change! I tried to work part-time, then full-time, but my heart ached at leaving him with someone else all day. I knew I had to come back home, but didn't know how to make it fit my personality. 

When my second child was born, I once again tried to work part-time, and it didn't work out once again. You'd think I'd learn! Whether it was teaching, massage therapy or respite care, I have worked off and on since my son was born. Now, for the first time, I am intentionally not bringing in an income and devoting all of my time to my family. 

This business of being a stay at home mom does not seem to fit my personality like it does for other moms. I have a short attention span, I'm impatient, I need alone time, I'm not sensitive, and I like talking about serious subjects. On the other hand, I can be silly, I'm adventuresome, I'm empathetic, and I love my kids more than I ever knew I could love anyone. 

My conclusion is that even though I think I'm not a typical mom, and don't do the job like I should, God knows me better than anyone, and he blessed me with these little people. He knew what kind of mom I'd be and gave me kids anyway! I've come to believe that I am the best mom for my kids. I do the best I can, and try to do better than the day before. I do believe this job of being a mom is the best job I've ever had, and by far the most important. I'm not perfect, and I don't expect myself to be. I'm a mom, and my kids love me just as I am.