Happy birthday my son!

Four years ago today we were blessed with a tiny 5 lb. 9 oz. 19 inch baby boy. He was so tiny, yet filled our lives and our hearts beyond our expectations. He is a light in this world. His character has developed into this curious, inquisitive, helpful, sensitive, and recently, tough little boy.

It's hard to believe I ever thought I couldn't have children. Three months before Topher was conceived I had a miscarriage, and was told by my doctor to not try to get pregnant for six months. I'm so glad I stuck to my guns and refused birth control! God had a plan for us, and now he is four.

Time seemed to go by so slowly when Topher was a baby. I was half in awe that he existed and half terrified that I would screw him up. Parenthood is tough, but he made it easy for me. As my first born he taught me how to be a mommy. Over the last four years we've cried together and laughed uncontrollably together. We have gone on adventures and gotten lost on accident. We drove together to California. We met new people and I got to see how much he is like me- shy at first before warming up.

Being Topher's mom, and now Sarah's mom, is the hardest job I have ever had, yet the most rewarding. Not only is my son four today, but I celebrate four years of motherhood. There were times I thought I would go crazy, feeling like I can't be a good mom, but I have realized that my Lord has made me the perfect mom for my children. We are uniquely matched. Although sometimes perfection is far from our everyday life, I am grateful for every moment of motherhood. I thank God for my children, and maybe we'll have more, but for now....TOPHER IS FOUR!!!

The Dallas Doctors Diet

My mom is reading this book and we are trying the suggestions in it. I wanted to share this information because it may actually work!

From my mom...

Christy, Here are the basics of this “eating plan” It is a 21 day plan to teach you a new way to eat.

First, write down your eating style: do you like crunchy foods, spicy foods, what are your preferences? This is important. What meals do you eat now and why? What are your favorite foods and snack when you are not dieting? Are you a fast or slow eater? Do you eat more when you are depressed, anxious, nervous, angry, excited, etc?

What do you believe is your normal “feel good” weight? This information will be important later

The four levels of hunger.

Level 1-No hunger-seeing, smelling or thinking about food doesn’t provoke any desire in you to eat.

Level 2-Appetite-the idea of “certain foods” is tantalizing like chips and salsa, cookies, etc but you wouldn’t think about eating a salad or leftover casserole at this point. Appetite can seduce you into wanting to eat something, even if you are full, but obviously, if you are full, you can’t be hungry.

Level 3-At this point even lettuce and leftovers look good. Your body is sending out strong “I’m empty” signals to you and you are aware of a healthy, pleasurable urge to fill up and will tackle your food with zest and eat until comfortably full.

Level 4-Over Hunger. This is dangerous because you will likely overeat. This usually occurs an hour after you have reached level 3.

Identifying your hunger level will at first be confusing to you. 65% of people only need two meals a day, 15% get hungry only once a day and only 5% of people three times a day!! Kind of smacks in the face of popular ideas, huh?

Week one: Step 1

Eat only when at hunger level 3

For three days do not eat breakfast-you may have up to three cups of coffee or tea with a conservative amount of sugar and cream if you like.

Do not take one bite of food until you have reached level 3. This may be at 10:30, 12:00 or even later! For me it was around noon.

Write down the food you ate and the time and your hunger level. This will help you identify your pattern of hunger.

Step 2

Eat anything you want, but taste your food!

Eat slowly-take around 20-30 minutes to eat your meal and enjoy every bite! Half way through your meal stop for 5 minutes and do something else.

Step 3

Eat one food at a time in Order of preference.

Don’t save the best for last. Eat the first thing you LOVE and all of it then see if you want more.

Step 4

Drink 5 bottles of water a day! Unless your cells are kept hydrated, they can’t burn off fat properly. If you don’t drink at least 60 ounces of water a day, you will lose only half as much weight a week. It has to be water. Check off on your food sheet that you have drank all your water and taken your five minute breaks during your meal.

During the first two weeks you can’t eat cereal, milk, juices, and sweets. You can add these back later.

The weather is dreary

And this usually causes me to feel down the entire day...but...I've been praying so much for a change of attitude. Today, I felt myself drawing inside, not wanting to deal with anyone, then I decided not to be ho hum, and put on some worship music, sang with my kids and built a pillow and blanket pile to jump on. Then I did some exercise, ate a healthy meal, took a shower and had some "special time" with my hubby. Amazingly, my day has turned around!

Ok, you can sit on my lap.

Leave me alone!

I just told this to my son. See my lovely daughter in my arms there. That's what she wants to do all the time. Honestly, most days I'm not bothered by it because we are driving around and I get some space from the kiddos. But today, we were home all day long, and therefore she was on me most of the day. Also, my son did not take a nap, so I am so drained from giving attention all day, no break. I feel guilty for wanting time to myself. But I know I need it. As soon as I got my daughter out of my arms and into the swing, my son wants to climb into my lap. These little blessings can be suffocating sometimes. I love my children dearly-of course you know that. Days like today just leave me feeling like I want to tie on my running shoes and take a long, long run. What I would love to do is wake up early enough to grab a shower, have some prayer time and read some of God's word. What a great way to start the day! I just have zero discipline right now, and I'm tired ALL THE TIME!!! What is a momma to do? Where can I squeeze in some time to myself? I know I will be a better mommy for it!

To cry, or not to cry

I am so excited for church tonight. It's Wednesday, something I think most churches do right. By the time Tuesday rolls around, I am grasping for Godly thoughts. At this very moment I am listening to my darling daughter cry her head off because I put her in her crib for a nap instead of holding her, and all I feel is anxiety. It's a difficult decision, whether to let the baby cry it out or not. I wonder what Mary did. And as God's daughter, what does he do with me. Does he address my needs instantly or let me wait it out and figure out on my own how to calm myself. I guess both are true. There are times when I was trying so hard to figure out God's will. I was crying out to him everyday, wanting Him to fix it for me. And, yet, when I would let go and allow rest to come, he would fill me with peace about the right decision to make. My struggle is trying too hard, when He is sufficient for all my needs. Trust. I wish my daughter would trust that she can fall asleep on her own. Well...off I go to calm her.

Perfect Surrender

I am a controlling person. I want everything to go just the way I plan. I understand that things may change, but day to day, I get anxious when I feel like something is changing, which I didn't expect. For example, if I planned on going to a bible study, and one of my kids got sick, I would get anxious and irritable, knowing I'd have to cancel and stay home.

This is where surrender is so difficult. Surrender my life as a whole is easy. It's not specific and I can see myself thinking in the long term and big picture of things, like, ya, God you can have my future. After all, I don't know what's going to happen in it. But it's the day to day stuff that I need to surrender.

I need to surrender my daily schedule, my weekly calendar, my notes on the family scheduling board. I want to be ready and willing for whatever God puts before me. I want to be able to stop whatever I'm doing- the dishes, the laundry, getting children dressed, and go where He leads. I want to be like my little girl when she's asleep, sprawled out, completely content and ready for anything. Here I am God! Help me to surrender to you always!