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| Marah (Bitter) Lake |
Today at church, the Holy Spirit knocked me over the head with the answer: Bitterness. We are studying the book of Ruth. Naomi, whose name means sweetness, is consumed with bitterness because of deaths of her two sons and her husband. She even asks her friends to call her Marah, meaning bitterness. More on that later. As I was listening to this story, I began to be convicted in my heart that this is where my trouble lies. Bitterness.
Like Naomi, I've had struggles in my life: the divorce of my parents, alcohol and drug abuse, an emotionally abusive relationship, and the death of my father. These hardships in my life created in me a big, tough ball of bitterness. I've softened to some, mostly my children and partly my husband and mom, but for the most part, in all aspects of my life, I am bitter. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, I am anticipating pain and disappointment. I am bitter. How does my bitterness manifest? I complain...a...lot. I complain about not having enough money. I complain about housework. I complain about my job...I complain. And it doesn't satisfy anything. I don't get any joy from it. I end my complaining jaunts feeling empty and regretful. I also display bitterness by keeping an emotional distance from everyone, including my husband. If I don't completely give of myself, I cannot be devastatingly hurt again, I suppose. Bitterness has kept me from giving my all to our Lord as well. Jesus Christ is allowed into my life in steady drip rather than a flood. I want Him to flood into my life and cover me in his love and grace. I want to be an example of His love in our world. I don't want to be bitter.
Back to the story of Naomi. She asked her friends to call her Marah, which means bitter. When the Jews were being led through Egypt they spent three days walking in the Desert of Shur without finding any water. When they finally arrived at Marah Lake, rejoicing that they could finally drink water, they found it to be bitter and couldn't drink it (Exodus 15:22,23). Moses then asks the Lord to help him and then he was shown a piece of wood. When Moses threw that piece of wood into the water, the water became sweet (Exodus 15:25). As my pastor, Paul Aragon, summed it up...the wood of the cross can be thrown into the bitterness of our hearts to be made sweet again. It is through Jesus that I can be made sweet again.
And there is another story in Bible that describes a person who does not let his circumstances cause bitterness, but understands what it means to serve God and trust him completely. This man is Joseph.
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| Joseph forgiving his brothers |
Joseph was sold into slavery when he was a boy by his own brothers. He was imprisoned twice during his slavery. Even after all of this, he still trusted God. In Genesis 45 Joseph is reunited with his brothers and tells them, "I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been a famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God." (Genesis 45:4-8)
Joseph knew that his hardships happened for the greater glory of God. This is true sweetness. He was not made bitter, he was sweet in his love for God. The sweetness of a child who completely trusts his parents. The sweetness of a saint like Mother Teresa for the poor. The sweetness of Mary, who bore so much pain at watching her son be tortured and crucified yet remained faithful. The sweetness of my daughter, who smiles with complete abandon. Sweetness. I pray that Jesus restores my sweetness, and rids me of bitterness. My Lord, pierce your cross into the tough ball of bitterness within me, and make it into a flood of sweetness and complete trust in you.
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