Struggles of Motherhood

Sometimes I feel like I am in the wrong career field as a stay at home mom. I'm not crafty. I don't like to cook. I don't fret over what my kids eat or how they play. And I certainly don't limit screen time (I mean, really, how did moms do it before tv!). Having said all of this, I know that my kids deserve a mom who is home with them during these early years. I know this is what is best for my family. I have strong convictions that this is what I should be doing. 

When I was a little girl, I was never the one who said I wanted to be a mom and a wife. I always wanted to be a teacher, travel the world, a writer, and the list went on and on. But never, ever, a mom.  So when I graduated high school, my goal was not to get married and have kids. I joined the navy, travelled the world and started my college education. I loved my job(s) in the navy. I did really well, and was promoted quickly. And every job after this I have enjoyed. I like working. I like the feeling of accomplishment by the end of the day. I like verbal recognition and working towards the next promotion. 

When I had my first child, my dear son, my perspective on life changed, but the person I am didn't. I knew that I wanted to stay home with him, but I struggled to transition from full time worker to stay at home mom. What a change! I tried to work part-time, then full-time, but my heart ached at leaving him with someone else all day. I knew I had to come back home, but didn't know how to make it fit my personality. 

When my second child was born, I once again tried to work part-time, and it didn't work out once again. You'd think I'd learn! Whether it was teaching, massage therapy or respite care, I have worked off and on since my son was born. Now, for the first time, I am intentionally not bringing in an income and devoting all of my time to my family. 

This business of being a stay at home mom does not seem to fit my personality like it does for other moms. I have a short attention span, I'm impatient, I need alone time, I'm not sensitive, and I like talking about serious subjects. On the other hand, I can be silly, I'm adventuresome, I'm empathetic, and I love my kids more than I ever knew I could love anyone. 

My conclusion is that even though I think I'm not a typical mom, and don't do the job like I should, God knows me better than anyone, and he blessed me with these little people. He knew what kind of mom I'd be and gave me kids anyway! I've come to believe that I am the best mom for my kids. I do the best I can, and try to do better than the day before. I do believe this job of being a mom is the best job I've ever had, and by far the most important. I'm not perfect, and I don't expect myself to be. I'm a mom, and my kids love me just as I am.